I would love your feedback on my book blurb!

I need your help, folks. I’ve been poring over this task for so long that I can’t see straight anymore. Time for fresh eyes!

The task I’ve been working on is my book blurb, which is the description on the back of the book that tells you what it’s about. Essentially, it has to hook a potential reader in and make them want to know what will happen so badly that they have to buy it. It’s possibly the most important promotional aspect of publishing my book and I really, really want to get it right.

Book blurb

The elusive eloquent book blurb

So I would appreciate it so much if you could take the time to read it and offer your feedback. What I need to know is whether you get a clear idea of the setting, the characters and what is at stake for them; whether the language reads well to you; whether it’s a good length or too long; whether it makes you want to find out what will happen; what questions it raises in your mind; and anything else that strikes you as vital to mention!

Here it is:

A Class Apart
A Matter of Class Book 1

Ireland, summer 1828: Spirited heiress Bridget, who has always felt more at ease astride a horse than sipping tea in a drawing room, is thrilled to be returning home to Oakleigh Manor after seven years away in Dublin. She cannot wait to be reunited with her childhood friend, Cormac, who ran wild around the country estate with her when they were young.

But Cormac now works as a stable hand at Oakleigh and, upon seeing Bridget again, he realises that his affection for her goes beyond friendship. Though it pains him when she announces her engagement to a wealthy English gentleman, he acknowledges the reality of his position at the bottom of society’s ladder and conceals his true feelings. Bridget’s overbearing mother, who has disliked him since he was a boy, is only too happy to enforce the employer-servant boundary between them.

Bridget’s seemingly charming fiancé soon reveals an unkind nature and a questionable past, and she begins to recognise her own feelings towards Cormac. However, unrest among the tenants on the estate causes him to be implicated in a serious crime and Bridget’s mother is determined to sever the longstanding bond linking her daughter to a lowly stable hand.

Amid the volatile relations between the upper class English and lower class Irish, Bridget and Cormac must discover whether their growing attachment will flourish or succumb to the constraints of the social divide.

*****

So what do you think?

12 thoughts on “I would love your feedback on my book blurb!

  1. Amanda says:

    Hey Susie! I think it’s great. Not too long, just the right amount. Gives good descriptions, can picture it already. Makes me definitely want to read it 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  2. M says:

    That’s it in a nutshell!. It sets the scene perfectly and yes, I want to know more. It’s not too long either – you need that much to paint the picture.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Elaine Campbell says:

    Hey Susie, definitely something I’d read but I do think it’s too long and gives too much of the background and plot. The last two paragraphs on its own with “a close childhood friend” instead of “Cormac” would probably do it. Leave the rest to be discovered. Looking forward to reading it.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. juliemshea says:

    I agree with the other comments – it makes it clear what the story is about and what is at stake for the characters. I already dislike Bridget’s mom! 😉 t does make me want to pick up the book and find out what happens next.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Grace H says:

    Hey Susie, I too think it’s a bit long and gives too much away – I sort of feel like I don’t need to read the book after reading the blurb! Perhaps you only need to hint at a “childhood friend who may harbour more feelings than just friendship”, and something vague along the lines of, “as Bridget begins to discover her own true feelings she must navigate her stormy relationship with her over-bearing mother and make a decision regarding her seemingly-charming fiance, who may not be all he seems”. I don’t think you need to say anything about Cormac being implicated in a crime, and that her mother is determined to see them separated. Less is more! I know you’re most likely looking at electronic publishing, so maybe this isn’t relevant, but have you tried fitting it onto the cover of a typical-sized book, to see what it would look like? It might give you an idea of how long a typical blurb is.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Susie Murphy Writes says:

      Thanks a mill, Grace! I’m already rewriting it based on the feedback I’ve received and am actually using the words ‘seemingly-charming’ in it! Great minds. 😉 A typical blurb seems to be about 100-300 words – the above is 233 so there’s definitely room to cut a few and make it tighter. Thanks so much for your input!

      Like

  6. Bryan Fagan says:

    Hi Susie: I cut out some words for it to flow a little better. What you had was good but it was to much. It took my attention off the actual plot. I liked the part about her mother that I crossed out but I thought it might be best to focus on the main characters for now.

    These things are really hard to do but you are off to an excellent start.

    Also: At the very beginning add the last names to your two main characters (Bridget and Cormac). Afterwards you can just use their first names.

    Aside from that it looks great.

    Ireland, summer 1828: Spirited heiress Bridget is thrilled to be returning home to Oakleigh Manor after seven years away in Dublin. She cannot wait to be reunited with her childhood friend, Cormac, who ran wild around the country estate when they were young.

    But Cormac now works as a stable hand at Oakleigh and, upon seeing Bridget, he realizes that his affection for her goes beyond friendship. Though it pains him when she announces her engagement to a wealthy English gentleman, he acknowledges the reality of his position at the bottom of society’s ladder and conceals his true feelings.

    Bridget’s seemingly charming fiancé soon reveals an unkind nature and a questionable past, and she begins to recognize her own feelings towards Cormac. However, unrest among the tenants on the estate causes him to be implicated in a serious crime and Bridget’s mother is determined to sever the longstanding bond linking her daughter to a lowly stable hand.

    Amid the volatile relations between the upper class English and lower class Irish, Bridget and Cormac must discover whether their growing attachment will flourish or succumb to the constraints of the social divide.

    Liked by 1 person

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