Book blurb – take two!

First of all, I want to say a very sincere thank you to each and every person who responded to my request for feedback on my book blurb. It was very generous of you to take the time to get in touch and offer well-thought-out advice. I really appreciate it!

I considered all opinions very carefully in my rewrite. There was a variety of reactions but the majority of you felt that the blurb was too long and gave away too much. I definitely don’t want a potential reader to think they’ve read the whole book just by reading the blurb, so I kept that in mind throughout my revisions. I’ve made sentences shorter, removed some revealing plot points, and only hinted at what’s to come.

Thank you especially to those who recommended actual ways to reword it – you may find some of your suggestions have made it into the blurb and I’m very grateful for your lovely use of language!

So here it is:

A Class Apart
A Matter of Class Book 1

Ireland 1828: Bridget, heiress to Oakleigh Manor, returns home after seven years in Dublin. More at ease astride a horse than sipping tea in a drawing room, she is eager to be reunited with her childhood friend, Cormac, who ran wild around the country estate with her when they were young.

But Cormac now works as a stable hand at Oakleigh and his affection for Bridget goes beyond friendship. When she announces her engagement to a seemingly-charming English gentleman, he knows he has no realistic prospect of climbing the social ladder and conceals his true feelings.

Bridget’s overbearing mother, who has disliked him since he was a boy, is only too happy to enforce the employer-servant boundary between them.

Amid the volatile relations between the upper class English and lower class Irish, can their childhood attachment blossom into a love that overcomes all obstacles? Or will they succumb to the constraints of the social divide?

*****

Do you think this works better?

8 thoughts on “Book blurb – take two!

  1. Bryan Fagan says:

    Ireland 1828: Bridget, heiress to Oakleigh Manor, returns home after seven years in Dublin. More at ease astride a horse than sipping tea in a drawing room, she is eager to be reunited with her childhood friend, Cormac, who ran wild around the country estate with her when they were young.

    But Cormac now works as a stable hand at Oakleigh and his affection for Bridget goes beyond friendship. When she announces her engagement to a seemingly-charming English gentleman, he knows he has no realistic prospect of climbing the social ladder and conceals his true feelings.

    Bridget’s overbearing mother, who has disliked him since he was a boy, is only too happy to enforce the employer-servant boundary between them.

    Amid the volatile relations between the upper class English and lower class Irish, can their childhood attachment blossom into a love that overcomes all obstacles? Or will they succumb to the constraints of the social divide?

    Thoughts and Notes:

    ….astride or astriding?

    Try ending the first paragraph as soon as Comac is mentioned. The part where it is explained how they ran wild is good but it might not be necessary. Sometimes little is more.

    Give the English gentleman (second paragraph) a name. First name only.

    Third paragraph replace him with Comac.

    Fourth paragraph – replace their with Bridgett and Comac. Give it a try at least. See how it sounds.

    Question: I think you need to add Bridgett and Comac’s last names but I’m not sure I’m right on that. I read somewhere it’s good to give the entire name at the beginning. Afterwards first names are fine. Might want to check on that.

    Liked by 1 person

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